Site icon Sara Crosland

Wake up and smell the… routine

Get up
Get washed
Get dressed
Make my bed
Take boys to work

That’s more or less it. My daily routine.

I think I underestimated just how important it is to have routine in my post brain tumour life and how much of an impact unexpected changes can have.

I have struggled this week. I have been working mornings. I was asked to work an extra day. Yesterday, I worked longer than I intended because I found some comfort in spending lunch time in a quiet spot with an autistic child who was telling me all about his lego collection and how much he likes climbing.

Don’t get me wrong… I LOVE my new job. It has given me purpose and a sense of identity again, but I’ve been struggling with balancing the unpredictable demands of freelance work with my equally unpredictable energy levels.

Having goals and a routine is so crucial to me. It makes me feel in control of my ‘new normal’. How I hate that phrase!! This week has made me realise why I love training so much, why it is so important to me. It gives my life a structure and predictability. It is a constant. I know what is happening from day to day. I know where it’s leading. I know what is expected of me. I don’t have to think about what to wear!

I am grieving the loss of the old me who wouldn’t have been phased at being asked to work extra hours, who would’ve been excited at the prospect of working in a new location at the last minute and not panicking about the impact of a longer drive on my fatigue levels or screwing up because I can’t focus, who would have managed to get up earlier than normal to fit that run in because I’d be working long hours…

I have made it to Thursday and I’ve survived. I’m sure I’ll figure it out, but right now life is full of checklists and a bit of a challenge.

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